InsaneJournal

Current mood:	crushed
Current music:	Disney/Pixar's Ratatouille

Had a freaky and horrible dream last night
I woke up crying and clinging to my pillows this morning because of a horrifying and very real feeling dream.

It started out where I was back in Kenai at the church in teh fellowship hall, we were having an end of summer potluck and everyone was there. We were laughing and carrying on and having a great time.

I almost want to think it was like the potluck that we had as a send off to the Nichols it was just that much fun - but without the lingering sadness.

The whole thing was going well and then the fellowship hall's kitchen phone rings and it's for my mom. She's talking on the phone and then a friend of the family comes up to me and tells me that my dad is dead. Just like that. It was a compassionate telling and all but it was just one of those things that was shocking.

My subconcious told me he was supposed to be out hunting, apparently in this dream there was a hunting accident and there was nothing anyone could do for dad. Why he was out there during a big church event who knows.

I remember running to my mom and screaming no no nononono! and my biggest thing was that I wasn't going to have a father daughter dance, and that I needed my daddy and all of that. Duane wasn't in the dream at all, which is weird, normally he's in everything, so maybe he was with dad? lol.

Anyway mom tried to comfort me and I pushed her away and went running down the hall to the youth room. Well, really Miss Chris' sunday school room (the way it was before dad knocked down the wall lol) and Pastor Robin was there and he was doing something on his cell phone/black berry (I don't think he even has one of those but whatever) and I just stood there staring at him. He looked up and said something like "I know" and I just ran over and fell into his arms and started crying

that's when I forced myself awake and I was bawling in my pillows. Yuka looked at me like I was nuts.



Fastforward to this evening and Judy's all ticked off at me because I want to call and just talk to dad, but apparently she thinks I'd only be worried had it been DAD. If it were MOM I wouldn't be wanting to call home. Um, yeah, well I've never had a dream like this before and I probably would want to hear her voice if the roles had been switched.

But yeah she SCREAMED at me and basically I went running into my room and that's where I'm staying the rest of the night. I don't get why being a daddy's girl ticks her off so much. Just because I'm his girl it doesn't mean I wouldn't find a dream like this about my mom just as traumatic!

UGH!

so yeah I'm a ball of emotions tonight. and no I didn't eat anything weird.