Let's Celebrate, It's All Right!

Yeah, I'm back to feeling down on myself. I am so sick of pretending everything is okay. I feel so torn, frustrated, alone, and just ugh.

I got chewed out last night from Gaylord because he thought that I was talking down on Lutherens, that he's a devout one and he knows that we agree more than I said we did.

All I said was we dont get all excited about the first communion because for us it's not an age thing or something for kids/pre teens, it's when you get saved. period. and we celebrate that the day you are baptised.

I said nothing about how for a devout Lutheren, I haven't seen him go to church once (or even look for one) much less the whole living in sin issue at the moment.

I merely said that one of my best friends in high school's dad is a pastor in the church and that while we didn't agree on the minor we agreed on the major and that's all that matters.

Well that pissed him off and he dismissed me after that. BLAH!



Then this morning Judy got all pissy because I brought up the fact that I wanted to change the lighting on the outside of the house. Basically because Gaylord put it up it is perfect, I don't agree I think it looks tacky. Well she basically said I didn't have the know how to do it, that I would short the whole thing, and that if I did that then I'd be replacing the whole thing.

So yeah, the lesson of the last 24 hours is I'm stupid, I don't know what I'm talking about or doing, and I should just go away.










Yes, I am being depressed and complaining but I freaking can't vent anywhere because I'm never alone enough to call someone and scream into the phone. I got to do that yesterday afternoon with Erin for a while, but I felt like I was bringing her down so I stopped.

I cried all the way to the college today. And I'm about ready to do it again here in class so I better stop.



When watching 2 hours of skating is the highlight of my month, something's wrong.

Haille came over for a few hours today. I really needed a Hae-Rae fix, and boy did I ever get one. That child has so much energy, but she is sooooo funny! Her vocabulary is huge, and she picks up on everything.

We watched Mickey Mouse cartoons, Veggietales Singalongs, and Donald Duck cartoons... and she loved them. We played with toys and she used me as her personal gym equipment.

The house has really come together for Halloween, it looks awesome. And like I said earlier this week - I got my costume. Judy is in charge of my hair and make up and she picked up all of that stuff last night and today. I'm uber excited but I'll bet I scare a bunch of little kids when they come to the door!

Now I'm working on my photo portfolio and winding down. I feel like I've been hit by a mack truck.

Yesterday afternoon I paid for and received a business license. I am a professional photographer able to do business in Alaska! How freaking awesome is that?

Now I just pray I get to get some use outta it!

So Judy and Gaylord went to Wal-mart and shopped for halloween stuff.

Judy said she and I would do that later this week. But she decided that Gaylord would be a better choice.

so much for this whole 'yeah, I know I'm neglecting our relationship as aunt and neice, let's go shopping later this week when I get paid.'

I seriously can't take this much longer.

why I don't know. He's such a likeable nerd. But, apparently, when Paul is on the tape my DVD player will not record it to the DVDs. Which really makes recording my old compilation tapes difficult because most of them are Stars On Ice related and Paul was a key player in that tour! LOL

Thankfully my DVD player loves Kurt, or I'd be in serious hurt (surprisingly I havent come across my Scotty tapes yet).

I've pulled a muscle in my lower back. I litterally cannot find a position that does not hurt. Small movements send pain shooting up. I don't know how I did it, but I just want to cry it hurts so bad! Ibuprofen is the only thing that makes it managable, but once it starts wearing off it HURTS.

Judy and Gaylord went down to Kenai for the day so I had the house to myself. I was a happy girl aside from the back pain. I made cookies before my back really started to be a bother, and then I've been just being lazy trying not to aggrivate my condition lol. I did write some papers and I'm getting ready to order my free trial of netflix so that I can get this stupid Absense of Malice paper finished. Blah!

Oooooo the Godfather 'complete restoration' will be on Blue Ray Tuesday. whoopie! I hate stupid commercials lol.

Alright, back to paper writing. I am hating my classes right now. Blah!

I've hit a low point tonight. I've gone through a wide range of emotions that I don't normally go through. I guess it's okay and everyone deals with it, but I'm feeling more and more isolated these days.

I don't think it's just one thing. Mainly it's family pressures. On one side I have Judy and Gaylord who've made it clear that I'm cramping their style. Considering this is Judy's house and I'm going on five years here, I can see where she's coming from. Problem is, instead of just coming out and saying 'you know what 5 is enough, times up' Judy's becoming increasingly less friendly with me. She nitpicks constantly and I get really tired of her comparing me to a certain other family member. It's not fair to either of us. Growing up my grandmother also compared me to said family member and I grew up resenting said member. I love that person now and wish I'd been able to grow up more with them, but it's very hard to deal with it. It's just not fair.

Then Grandma Reitter's got this whole idea of I need to just tough it out somehow and finish school. Yes, in a perfect world I'd already be done. And yes, in a perfect world I'd be finished this spring, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. I suck as a student. It's just not my thing. And so I'm disappointing everyone with the crappy life I lead.

Top if off, I don't have a boyfriend, I've never had a boyfriend. And Grandma blames my dad. Okay, yes, daddy wouldn't let me date in middle school, and up until 16 I couldn't wear make up and blah blah blah. Not that I was even interested, or that the boys were interested in me. I'm thankful that my dad was protective of me in that way, and it came in handy senior year of high school when the one guy that was interested in me wouldn't take no for an answer. (said guy is now getting married from what I hear. Better her than me)

Yeah, I'll be 24 in January and I've never been on a date much less had a relationship. Does that make me a loser? According to Grandma heck yes. I guess in someways I agree. I mean I do feel I missed out in some ways, and I wouldn't probably have the same rules that dad and mom had. I don't know. I do get tired of Judy and Grandma both saying that I can't let dad tell me who to love - that's not what he's doing. I think he's well qualified to have an opinion. I value his opinion above all other men in my life. That's Biblical, but more than that he's the one man who's never truly let me down. Yeah, we have our parent child moments, but at the end of the day he's the one I can always go to.

If the guy doesn't measure up to dad's standards, ain't no way he'll meet mine.

So, yeah, the bar is set uber high, so it's going to take time. Louisa got lucky going against her dad, but her dad isn't exactly the best role model anyway.

Do I want someone - you bet. Am I going to get that happily ever after? I don't know. I hope so.



I wish I could feel confident in myself and my abilities. I wish I could be the person that I become online. Here I'm able to speak my mind, I can accomplish things; I am articulate, creative, intelligent (at least I feel I am)... in the real world I might as well not even exist. What's the point? I just don't fit anywhere. People my age don't get me, and I don't get them, I don't fit in with my friends who have gone and gotten married and moved on. I've not gotten into a career or been a success at school.

I just exist and take up space. And I don't know why.

I wish I could just wave a wand and feel better about this. I don't even get why I'm feeling this way.

I just... I don't know.

So Gaylord is here. Got in last night. No real opinion can be made as I've spent a whopping couple of hours (maybe) with him. He greeted me with a hug. That was awkward. I'm not a big hug person people people I don't know. I even stiffen when it's people in my family. I just don't have that in me. I love giving hugs but only when both parties are really into it... and, I wasn't. But you do what you gotta do.

Anyway this morning the phone rang a dozen or so times and it's his soon-to-be-ex wife. So Judy took me aside as I was getting ready to leave. For a while if I don't recognize the number I am not allowed to answer the phone because "Nancy is on the war path" and is "completely insane."

Um, yeah, the dude just up and left her for another woman. Sorry, can't really feel bad for the two of you. I told her not to worry that I'd already muted my phone whenever his home phone number popped up so it never woke me up, but still. I can't really get on board with the 'ex wife is psycho' when she has every right to be.

I just don't understand their thinking on this matter, but oh well. I guess I'll just smile and nod and live in denial, as much as possible.


Now that I've gotten that off my chest, back to writing a paper due tomorrow morning (that I haven't even started *writing* yet. Go me!)

I spent this afternoon organizing my room again. *sigh* I can see the floor! Yipee!


Tomorrow night I have to take Judy out to the airport so that she can fly down to meet up with *Gaylord* and bring him back up. GAG ME. I am not looking forward to him moving in. I just hope that we're all anxious for nothing and that he'll be a stand up guy and not some psycho Santa (as Erin calls him) but he seems so controlling over the phone. He was all pissed off when I was in the middle of a thunderstorm at work, and he said he doesn't want me working for the Seavey's anymore. Like he has a say in the matter.

I have a feeling we're going to butt heads really soon after he moves up here. blah.

It's just a weird situation all the way around, and I hate that he gets to dictate any part of my life. He doesn't really, but I have to play family politics for at least this semester, possibly this whole school year.

And, I know, in the grand scheme of things my problem is so small, but it's the problem I've got at the moment.

Now, back to surfing the net.

in this post. I hope.

School went well today considering I am playing catch up in two classes. I'm not too worried, though. I think I'll be able to catch up without any problems. I really like the two profs that I met today both are understanding and have a very relaxed style that makes them easy to approach. Which is GREAT for someone like me.

So my tuesdays and thursdays now look like this:
11:30a - 12:45p = Western Civ.
2:30p - 3:45 = American Sign Language 101
4:00p - 5:15 = Movies and the 1st Amendment - which is a very misleading title. Here I was thinking we'd learn about movies getting away with stuff like Michael Moore's film, but no such luck. But we do get to watch a movie (or rather part of one) each class! w00t! Cary Grant's even got one on the list *boogies*

I only have make up work in my film class... and it's *so hard* I have to watch a movie and write a paper on it. Wow. How will I EVER survive? hee hee. And, apparently, my prof grew up with the Seavey clan in Seward. Go figure. It's a small world after all. *will refrain from a political rant*

My sign language class went well too. I wasn't as lost as I feared. I knew a lot of the signs already (alphabet, counting to ten, and a few vocab words) the hard part is later in the semester when we have to go out and actually use what we've learned to communicate. FREAK-Y!

So I'm going to go now and play Diner Dash now. lol. I've lost my train of thought. Oh well.

Today was not a good day. It started off well, mostly. I got to sleep in a bit before getting ready for class. But it quickly went downhill. I got caught up in Dan In Real Life which was playing on one of the Starz movie channels this morning, and so I was late getting to my morning class. I did the speed demon thing only to have issues with parking and THEN I get into the class room in about two minutes to when class is dismissed... EARLY. Way early. I was NOT happy. All he did was read the syllybus to the class. I can read on my own, thank you very much. BLAH!

So I went and gassed up the truck, and grabbed something to eat and drink and got to work earlier than expected, which is a better than being late thing. But I didn't realize that when the guys hooked everything up they also... *tweaked* the speakers and so we blasted out the people during the 1pm show. I fixed it for the 4pm show, but then got distracted a few times, so Jake was uber loud and blasted the eardrums of all 30+ people we had there.

Top it off, I didn't vote in the primaries tonight. I am not happy about that. I could have done it this morning at school had I thought about it, but noooooooo I didn't even think about it until Ellie asked about voting absentee. BLAH!

Oh, and I missed class tonight because I COULDN'T FIND THE CLASSROOM!

So I feel *this big* tonight and I just want to SCREAM!

So the countdown has officially begun. We have 10 days (well, nine now) until we close the doors for the year. I am ready, I need the break. But then it'll be all over and I'm going to be uber depressed.

Oh well, at least School will keep me busy.

Today was a very busy day, I didn't take a break because there wasn't time. I raked the arena for the first hour, and then by 10:30 Dallas had me driving around Anchorage trying to pick up some things that needed to be gotten TODAY. The first was getting the dog vitamins that Mitch ordered. Problem was the location I was told to go to was not correct. Come to find out the place I was supposed to go was in the opposite direction and had never been on the street that Dallas said it was on. Nor had it ever been in a brown building like I was told. Not cool. Two hours later I still hadn't found the place (and didn't have my cell phone on me today ugh!) and so I went to the next place that I needed to go. Had bad directions for that, but luckily I was able to find my way to it and picked up the forms that Janine needed me to get.

I get back to Wildride with about 15 minutes to spare before the people started pouring in for tickets for the 1pm show. I called Burger Jims so I could at least EAT something during the show and then helped Becky with the stuff that needed to be done.

The 1pm was a rough show, and so we were all a little on edge, and let's just say Dallas was not the happiest of campers. So when I told him about not picking up the vitamins he was... unhappy. I got right on finding out where they were actually located, and with only an hour to get there get the stuff and get back I was off. It was on the opposite end of town and I had to go through a roundabout. Which scares the crud out of me because I don't drive through them enough to know what the heck I'm doing. Why we want to be European is beyond me! Didn't we win a war a few hundred years ago so we didn't have to do things like them? BLAH!

anyway I get there and they bring a pallet with the vitamins... 380lbs of vitamins... plus the pallet on a FORK LIFT and set it in the back of my truck... and then I slowly made my way back across town with just enough time to make it.

But like I said I didn't get a break. 9am - 5:30pm. Oh well, i can use the hours, though I'm sure Dallas will be less than pleased at the idea that I didn't take even a small break... such is life.

I work 9 to whenever tomorrow... and then I go to half days at work... I guess.

oy...

oh but Sept. 12 is going to be a happy day! PFDs are coming out a full month EARLY! So Sept. will be a very good month monies wise! :) I'm a happy girl about that! hee hee!

Alright, gotta start getting stuff put together for school and church since I won't have much time this weekend to do it!

...I can hardly believe we're at the closing of Summer. Three weeks left until work is over, two till school starts, and what do I have to show for it? An uneven sunburn, and a lot of good work memories.

It still feels like I was anticipating when work would start. Waiting for that first phone call where Jake or Dallas would be all in a panic because they needed me RIGHT NOW (which I did get in May lol gotta love Jake and Dallas waiting until the last minute!). I was anticipating the frustration of working with them, and anticipating hanging out with the crew.

I could lie and say it was an easy summer, but with all of the rain and the added stresses of things going badly, I can't. There were times when I wanted to throttle one person or the other, and then there were times I just wanted to curl up and hide from the world, but all in all I've loved my second year at Wildride.

I'm not sure what the future holds as far as working, I know I am still going to get my business license and start working as a photog in earnest. I really feel like that is my calling and it works well with my school schedule. I'm taking a full load for the first time in a long time at college, and I have a good feeling on how I will do. I've got the pressure to do well, which I know will kill me later in the semester, but I feel ready. Of course, we'll see if I still feel like that when school starts and I see what is going to be required of me, right?

Talking with Becky and David the last few weeks, I've pretty much decided that if I return to work for the Seavey's next year, it will be part time. It's time I become the pinch hitter for the show. It's not that I don't love the job, I do, it's just that I want the freedom to travel down to see the family once in a while, or just have a day to myself. I haven't been to Seward in over two years, I haven't really had a chance to go fishing (I refuse to do it by myself down at ship creek), and I am always worried that I'll get called into work. So everyone else gets to enjoy my state, but I'm stuck in Anchorage.

I also want to concentrate on photography, and I can't do that if I am working 5+ days a week. I had a couple of photo shoots this summer right after working all day and I just wasn't at my best. My brain shuts down after 8+ hours outside. LOL.

My tune could change around March or April when we see if I even have a job in photography. I might have to dive in for a full time Wildride position. I hate to think about what they will do next year, though, considering Becky and David are both planning to not return full time (if at all) and who knows if Hannah will be back. I don't want to abandon them fully, I really want to see them to continue to succeed. So I might blackmail myself into working. Who knows.

I do know that this month will probably either make or break my love for the job. No breaks from the guys is going to be tough lol. Dallas has been pretty good about giving me breaks in the schedule, but I do need the hours and funds that they bring, but at the same time... whew! At least I've kept my humor for the most part. I love that I get to work and laugh every day.

Like Thursday, during the four pm show a thunder and hail shower happened right in the middle of the show. I jumped into my sound booth and closed the door trying to protect myself (the hail was decent size) and then the wind picked up and blew it in through the window of the booth! I couldn't win! Watching Jen and Dallas and Jake drown out there in the arena was great too. I mean one minute it's bright sun and the next it's dark, rainy and hailing! Jake even made a comment like "Is it raining out? I can't tell" which cracked the audience and the cast up. It was GREAT!

So I don't know. I just thank God that I was blessed with this job last year when I had such a crappy experience with Sears. Yes, Wildride has its moments and I sometimes wish we were more organized, but at the end of the day I much prefer the honesty and the friendship that I get there to the backstabbing and the lying of a corporate group. It feels like home... like family... and I can't begin to describe how much I appreciate it.

So that's basically life. Erin and I have 156 days until we're down in Florida, which I cannot wait for. We have all of it booked, and paid for (well, I will as soon as October rolls around), and all of the sit down meals are reserved. So now it's just waiting for it to happen. And it's killing me!

Erin is counting down to the double digit countdown. Yes, we are sad. We know, and we don't care.

Other thing I'm looking forward to is the PFD in October. Palin got her wish and we're getting the $1200 energy check, as well as a nice bit of cash from the oil revenue (2000 something!), so it's gonna be a good fall. I hope.

Oh, and is it sad that I've already started Christmas shopping? I have my grandparents' gift already bought and put away. I had to! The place that I got it from closes Sept 1! hee hee.

Alrighty, this thing is getting long, and I have to start getting ready for work (I go in at 11:30 to be at work by Noon). So I hope everyone enjoys their weekend!

I will be working every day from Monday on to the first day of September. Weekends will be half days (noon to whenever on Saturdays... 12:45 to whenever on Sundays)

Pray that I don't keel over.

Dr. Wilson is love.

It's about the only thing that makes me happy this week. Work has been up and down, and I know it's nothing really at work that is bugging me... it's stuff involving my aunt.

I can't remember how much I've shared in this already, I believe I made mention of my aunt's new boyfriend whom she found through classmates and they're on a whirlwind pace. She's now talking of putting Uncle Tom (her husband who passed away 6 years ago) and all of his stuff away (in closets and the like.) She says it's time to move on - which I don't fault her, but she's been in this "relationship" for barely a month!

Originally he was moving up in October, but that's been moved FORWARD to SEPTEMBER. and he's not moving into a house or apartment of his own, he's moving IN with my AUNT.

It's gonna be three's company around here, and I'm not sure how I feel.

On the one hand I'm glad she's happy, she deserves to be. But the whole moving in thing goes against everything in my heart and head. It'd be different if this had been a long time relationship and they were getting married or what not, but I honestly don't think it's healthy for her to do this all so soon.

Mom and the rest of the family feel he's taking advantage of her (he's not divorced "yet" and he's still calling with a phone in some woman's name!), and I am not sure they're too far off, but I can't voice my feelings for fear it will hurt her (she wouldn't see it as my place.) He has all these plans for her and for me (which I am not happy about at all) and I've told my aunt that I am not comfortable with his plans. She just keeps shrugging my concerns off.


Add in the fact that my parents are not happy with the new arrangement - mainly the whole 'living in sin' - part and I am just really stressing over it. Do I pack up and move back home? What is for me there? Kenai is a great place to grow up, but I don't want to stagnate there like so many have, though it seems a lot of my classmates are moving back... I just don't want to move backwards.

But, I can't really stay here either. I mean I know what my parents are saying, and I know that it's against God for all of this... but I'm just so confused. I don't get where God is leading and it's freaking me out. It's not like He doesn't know I don't handle change well much less adult decisions. I can't afford to live on my own, and very few places will take dogs!

I just don't what I am going to do so any and all prayer and support would be wonderful. I'm feeling rather lost in a way, like I'm flailing all over and I can't grasp anything! I want to curl up and cry but I can't even seem to find a way to do that...

*sigh*

Talking with my aunt on the phone BRIEFLY last night revealed that this guy she went to grammar school with way back when (that she recently found on classmates.com) is "in love with" her. I suspected as much as these last 10 days have been filled with cards and packages in the mailbox. It's quite annoying, he keeps forgetting she isn't in AK at the moment so he's calling at all times of day - normally late at night.

I originally thought he was married, but apparently he's in the process of divorcing (go figure). He's planning on moving up to Alaska soon... which means I may be homeless pretty soon. Kinda feeling put off at the thought that I'm so easily expendable... but oh well.

If worse comes to worse I can always move down to Kenai for a while, really work on my photography and go from there. I know that Kenai is somewhat of a death sentence for those of us with dreams, but who knows. God might want me back down there. I dunno.

I'll miss hanging with Judy and having a bit more freedom (and a vehicle) but I guess I've mooched long enough, eh?

Until AMC has a JAWS marathon! hee hee!

Last night was a blast, the whole crew went out to the Moose's Tooth for pizza and we had so much fun! We took up two tables, and played a table version of red rover (well, sort of... it wasn't really a game, people just kept switching chairs) I felt really sorry for our waiter lol. It was just a very relaxing evening and I haven't laughed that hard in a long while.

Also ran into Courtney and Dave when I was there, so I didn't even get home till almost 11!!! and now I'm up and I have to get ready for work in about 15 minutes... I am TIRED... oh well, I can recoop this weekend!

Judy and mom will be home Sunday! w00t!

Happy 4th of July! Happy Birthday America - Land of the Free BECAUSE of the Brave!

I am sooooooooo upset about today. First the music cues were all screwy (Seriously, I don't get how this supposed sound tech dude is able to do anything in sound as he screws up the computer every time! GRRRR!) so I screwed up the music right at the beginning because I didn't realize that the scenes were all switched around in the computer.

Dallas was not pleased.

Then, trying to get the mics on a better frequency I some how ended up with two mics on the same channel and so when both mics went on for the second scene one mic canceled out entirely... I was soooooooooooooo embarassed.

Thankfully I figured out what went wrong and it was fixed and the show went on.

But today sucked all the way around... I am not happy and just want to go and hide.

I just started National Treasure about a half an hour ago... there's no way I'm going to finish the movie before I poop out and go to bed.

This weekend was fantastic, I spent quality time with my dog. We went to the Pugnic on Saturday and afterwards I parked the truck in my aunt's work's parking garage and we walked around downtown Anchorage. Ran into a couple of coworkers (they advertise for the show with puppies lol) and then headed to the Saturday market, saw more coworkers and just enjoyed the time being away from the house. It was relaxing even with it being crowded (something I normally freak out with.)

We came home from that and Yuka zonked out for the rest of the day while I worked on Sunday School material and chatted online. The story for today's lesson was the one where Joseph Interprets Pharoh's dream (7 skinny cows eat up the 7 fat ones) and so the craft was a simple cow craft that I had to come up with on my own because the online cow crafts were not very good.

Anyway the craft was a hit, and I was very happy with how the class went today. Yay. Next month I'll have at least one Sunday when I am teaching by myself, and I'm confident that my girls can handle it!

One of my favorite scenes is playing on the movie, guess I should go back to watching it before going to bed. Yay!

Anyway got five days of shows, 10 shows total because as of today Wildride is doing two shows daily! I am SO VERY HAPPY because I cannot stand being bored until 4pm.

I just wish they'd let me get in an 8 hour day.

Alright. Hope everyone else had a great weekend!

I so feel bipolar this summer, which I know I shouldn't joke about, and I'm not. But I've been all over the map today.

Started off great, Erin called to get my Airmiles Info for Alaska Air so that she could book our tickets and she got us airfare for $55 to Orlando. How? By transferring miles to make it so that we could both go on free tickets ha ha! She is awesome for more on that and the trip go here, please ;) - wdwbaby. Needless to say I am uber excited that the trip feels REAL now. And I have no doubt I will be able to afford it...

Then I get to work and Heather is there to train everyone on the gift shop stuff - which I am pretty good at, but it's always nice to see Mary Poppins at Wildride ;) I was tired and then extremely BORED when I was at work because EVERYONE left and I was the onliest one there and it was DEAD phone wise. Blah.

Then the show happened and it was uber fun and everything went well save for my minor detail of muting Dallas instead of Hannah during the first race. But he didn't notice and I would have gotten off scott free had I not been stupid and told him! LOL

Things were pretty much GREAT save for my screwing up basic words when talking - I am just so TIRED this week - and snapping at Jake. He's just rubbing me wrong and I know it's because we're both over worked and over stressed and it's just coming to a head. But I just chalked that up to not having a day off since I started work a week and a half ago.

Then Dallas and I got to talking about how Matthew did yesterday on the cues, and lets just say Dallas is not happy or confident in Matthew's ability to do the show by himself on Sunday. He's basically hinted that I will probably be coming in AGAIN on Sunday. Which I am not all that happy about. Yes it does mean more $$ in my pocket, and therefore that helps with bills and school and Disneyworld and all of that... but I really need a break. I am tired, cranky, and I'm just not able to handle it!

The one thing that I am glad about is IF it comes down to that I know all he'll ask of me is two and a half hours tops. Tomorrow I work 3 to about 5:30... and if I work Sunday I suspect I won't even be needed for that amount of time. Just basically from 4-5. I hope anyway.

Dallas is wanting to have Matthew come in tomorrow for the Sat. show so that he can work it with me watching him so I can have a day off (which it won't be much of one because I will have church, and I want so bad to call in sick for church but it's the first day of the new kids in my sunday school class and that just does not work). I'll just take what I get, but they are going to owe me big if I don't get a real day off soon.

So my emotions have been all over the map this weekend. It all started Friday when I was told that there was no way I would get Sunday off. That they needed me. Unfortunately they didn't tell me sooner and Judy and I had fandangoed tickets for Indy Jones. I am now out 15 bucks because of the poor decisions on the part of the guys in charge. I was a bit upset, but fair is fair I guess. Got a big lecture on how we're a team and I'm one of the most important members of that team and it was time to pull together - okay, I can buy that.

But I don't really FEEL like I'm always considered important. I'm pretty much walked on by some of the 'actors' until something goes wrong and then they need me and then it's "oh, Toni, we love you." Mind you, Dallas is always up front with me - though he sends Jake in to do the dirty work because Dallas apparently doesn't enjoy confrontations - and so I decided to talk to him last night.

But back to Friday. After working my tooshie off and helping out with as much as I could I was feeling pretty good about where we were audio wise come Saturday which was our first official show. We decided to not charge people until the show on Monday (ie TODAY!) so we were expecting a decent turn out. Then we wake up to really crappy weather on Saturday and we were figuring we'd get like 5 people. Nope! We had close to 100 people. I missed about three cues, but I was happily surprised by the fact that Dallas FOUND MY SUB for weekends! I am officially getting Saturday and Sunday off as soon as Matthew is trained (which won't be hard, he's technically more qualified for the position than I am!). I was cold, and tired, and wet, and still ticked off - for the most part - that I was working Sunday and therefore missing Indiana Jones.

Then I came home and started searching for music for the show. Dallas is wanting a specific song for the show that is the typical 'circus music' song (I'm told it's "Entry of the Gladiators"?) so I went to find it and somehow wound up with a very septic virus on my computer. I couldn't get anything to come up on Norton and worse I couldn't get on to norton's website OR get a live update! ACK! I tried for two days to get it fixed!

Anyway Sunday rolled around and I went to church and said good bye to my girls (we get a new batch next Sunday, which I'm not looking forward to. I was REALLY attached to a couple of the girls this time around and one was actually hugging me and crying that she wanted me to teach her next class :() So I was feeling good and I came home and vegged until 3:00 when I had to get to work by 3:30. Got there just under the gun and set up for the show. It was BEAUTIFUL weather and the official count for people was 150. Because we were still set up for small crowds and bad weather we had STANDING ROOM ONLY. I was giving out my two sound booth stools out for people to sit on! LOL It was flipping insane!

I missed one cue (it's going to be the death of me this year, I just know it!) but everything else went really well. Dallas is very hopeful that by July we'll get the 500 people crowds he is planning for lol.

The show has a few new scenes, and a couple of old scenes have been done away with (one of which I didn't think needed to go, but that's just me. It does really only work with Jake and Caleb and since Caleb isn't up here this year it makes it kinda difficult - and I think it was a better scene for the team than it was for the tourists!) so we don't have half of the sound track that we should AND I'm learning the show on my feet and making do the best I can. So my stress level is very high.

After the show I waited around to talk to Dallas and vented a bit and talked about what we were looking at summer wise. He is easy to talk to - surprisingly - and I got my points across and I think we both walked away from the discussion more at ease with everything. I got this morning and the afternoon off, I just have to come in early enough to figure out what the show is doing for today and to help out with the gift shop girls (one of which is a rant in and of herself which I will do some other time I'm sure!) if they need me. So I am a happier girl this week!

Back to the virus... I JUST got rid of it like 15 minutes ago after TWO HOURS on the phone with tech support. 50 viruses and 100 bucks later and I'm clean again. OY!

Anyway I gotta get in the shower. I go in at 3 and it's almost 12:30 which means I have 2 hours till I gotta leave! Where did the time go?!