Let's Celebrate, It's All Right!

Gaylord was in rare form ALL DAY yesterday. I was about ready to kick him at 8:30am! He chewed me out for being lazy and blah blah blah and all I wanted to do was slam my door in his face because I am sick of the crap. His anti-Erin and anti-my trip thing is getting so annoying. I'm sorry, when did you become my father? Or really anyone in authority over me... oh, that's right, never! (seriously why does his family want him back? he's a massive tool)

Then, when he was done ranting I shut my door saying I was getting ready for my day. Which I was lying because I hadn't even showered yet, but whatever. I just needed an excuse, ya know?

Anyway he starts knocking on the door telling me I can't do laundry (I hadn't planned on doing any anyway) because the toilet was broken and he had parts all over the place. Translation - he backed up the toilet and left the mess. I told him I wouldn't go in there and left it at that.

Fastforward to Judy coming home and she comes into my room and asks about the 'damage'. I told her Gaylord told me NOT to go in there and so I didn't so I had no clue.

Bubba REALLY clogged up the toilet and the water hadn't gone down and Noah's flood had happened on the floor (he cleaned up a little bit, I'll give him that). So she started in plunging and it wasn't moving at all. So she decided to go to Ace Hardware across the street and find something stronger. Just about that time Gaylord came home and basically ripped her a new one for even teh idea of going out and spending money that the water would go down on its own. Considering he'd been gone for 8+ hours and the water hadn't gone down at all in that time should be an indication that you can't just wait for it to go down.

Then he got pissed off because she dared to say that HE clogged it. He swears up and down she did it (never mind HE was in that freaking bathroom doing God knows what in there for an HOUR After she left. TOOL)

So Judy got all ticked off for him being ticked off and it was just really tense in the house for a while. I offered to help with dinner and she nearly bit my head off. So much for finding a guy to make your life better, eh?

He slammed the door of the computer room - his computer is dying and that was way more important than the toilet he flooded. So Judy cooked dinner (yeay for fried chicken) and even THAT wasn't good for Gaylord because it's so unhealthy (he's the dude with the fat gut who eats rich foods all the time I just wanted to deck him).

By this time Erin called so I was on the phone with her for about an hour and then Gaylord gets on one of the other phones and tells me to get off. Erin didn't hear him so he got PISSED and was BANGING on my door and screaming that I needed to get off the phone now and that it wasn't just MY phone and I needed to HANG UP NOW. So I got Erin to shut up (she was singing) long enough for me to tell her I needed to go ASAP.

Then the phone died on Gaylord (I don't think it died I think he hit the wrong button) and he threw it out of the room and got one of the other phones... that also died on him ( I still think HE did something to hang up ) and he was just so mad because the dang phones were all crap and he couldn't get his blessed computer to work.

I'd had it up to here with him and took my dog out and then went to bed.









This morning he just told me not to touch his computer (like I ever have anyway) and that I needed to stay off the phone. I want to spite him so bad, but I'm afraid of what sort of tantrum it'll bring on. He's such a massive tool. I'm sure he'll play perfect angel while my parents are here (and he doesn't want them here at all but tough cookies, princess).


I just find it interesting that this coupling that God helped with (they say He brought them together) also seems to be thwarted by God. I do believe that all of these little bad things that are happening have more to do with God's disapproval of this whole thing than anything else. Granted, I don't believe either one of them are Christians, but at the same time Gaylord alone has gone above and beyond what's normal in the sin department... it's just so frustrating.

I'm not saying Judy shouldn't find a guy and fall in love and all of that, but no one in her immediate family approves of how she's going about it. She keeps lying to everyone - including herself - when she says my mom agrees with this partnership... or that Tony (Tom's son) does. Tony and I talked the other day on the phone and I don't think he approves as much as she says...

But yeah. It feels good to vent. 32 days until I am out of this situation for 12 days... I cannot wait!

Yeah, I'm back to feeling down on myself. I am so sick of pretending everything is okay. I feel so torn, frustrated, alone, and just ugh.

I got chewed out last night from Gaylord because he thought that I was talking down on Lutherens, that he's a devout one and he knows that we agree more than I said we did.

All I said was we dont get all excited about the first communion because for us it's not an age thing or something for kids/pre teens, it's when you get saved. period. and we celebrate that the day you are baptised.

I said nothing about how for a devout Lutheren, I haven't seen him go to church once (or even look for one) much less the whole living in sin issue at the moment.

I merely said that one of my best friends in high school's dad is a pastor in the church and that while we didn't agree on the minor we agreed on the major and that's all that matters.

Well that pissed him off and he dismissed me after that. BLAH!



Then this morning Judy got all pissy because I brought up the fact that I wanted to change the lighting on the outside of the house. Basically because Gaylord put it up it is perfect, I don't agree I think it looks tacky. Well she basically said I didn't have the know how to do it, that I would short the whole thing, and that if I did that then I'd be replacing the whole thing.

So yeah, the lesson of the last 24 hours is I'm stupid, I don't know what I'm talking about or doing, and I should just go away.










Yes, I am being depressed and complaining but I freaking can't vent anywhere because I'm never alone enough to call someone and scream into the phone. I got to do that yesterday afternoon with Erin for a while, but I felt like I was bringing her down so I stopped.

I cried all the way to the college today. And I'm about ready to do it again here in class so I better stop.



When watching 2 hours of skating is the highlight of my month, something's wrong.

So I'm in teh bathroom this morning and the phone rings and I can't get it in time so the answering machine picks up. I come out of the bathroom a while later and check the machine not thinking anything about it.

Turns out it's the still MRS. Gaylord. Yup. The one he left for my aunt. The one he didn't have the guts to face when saying he wanted a divorce. The one he just abandoned. That one.

The one my aunt calls psycho because this woman dares to be upset about the whole affair (which is what this is).

The tirade left on the machine was actually pretty tame, no bad words but a lot of hurt and a lot of anger. She could have said some things a bit more tactfully, but she has every right to throw a fit.

No doubt when Judy and Gaylord hear it tonight (mom said not to delete it) that Gaylord will call his wife and get all upset with her like she's the one with the problem.

I don't understand this whole thing at all. How can this be love? It's certainly not RIGHT whatever it is. And in the end I think Judy will be the one that's the most hurt in all of this.

The Mrs. asked my aunt what gave her the right to take her husband, and I'd like to know the same. Gaylord gave up thirty one years of marriage for this. Is he in this relationship for the long haul, or when another "childhood crush" comes along will he leave Judy asking these same questions (though she can't be as surprised if it happens considering what he did to have her).

It makes me have less respect for my aunt, and none for him. It's just UGH!

What a downer way to wake up this morning to find out that Terrorists from who knows where were evil and attacked London. I am so sick of these sick and twisted people. And if Revelations (the Book, not the show) is any indication it'll only get worse. *sigh* My prayers are with all of you over there, while the city is the one most effected, the entire country feels the shock. so *hugs and prayers* go out to all!




More sad news as Angela Nikodinov is not planning to skate at all this season. The article on USFSA.org is here and the last paragraph has me thinking she'll go pro if she does come back to skating, but then again who knows. I'm still hoping she will come back and kick everyone's butts!



I have the snot wad known as Duane to babysit today... I love it when my parents don't warn me that I'll be stuck with him... he woke me up at 7 because he "didn't know" that I was home. Like mom and dad are stupid enough to leave him home alone. The dipwad. UGH. I am so ready to kill him because he "doesn't have to listen to me" and he's right, because dad is gone for the next three days so mom is going to take the crap he gives her as truth and I'll end up getting lectured for not being nice. UGH. Shoot me now.

So dad lost his wallet sometime yesterday. Not sure where. He's in a bad mood.

But it doesn't matter because we had fun at Friend Day at church. It was so hot today it rocked, man! It was sooooooo much fun, it was crazy. We had good food, and then all of these games. The first one was the egg toss. heh heh heh. Pastor Dean even joined in on that one, and he got egged BIG time... everyone did. It started out as a "real" game, but yeah everyone started chucking eggs at each other. Gotta love our church lol. Then the second game was a three legged race. I dared dad to race with Pastor Dean, but Dean was a wimp and told him no. It was still fun to watch though. They also did this relay with a hula hoop, and then they had the potatoe sack races... it was nice to watch and I took way too many pictures. But that is no surprise, is it? ;)

Tomorrow dad and the brat are going fishing and so mom, aunt judy, and I are going to go to the parade and other things yet to be determined...

Then Judy has to leave (it sucks I know) and mom and I will watch all of the awesome shows on TV... because the 1812 Overture is THE BEST SONG EVER... I seriously love that song, and cannons rule all. So yeah I am totally going to watch all that I can! ;) I LOVE THE FOURTH OF JULY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOT! GO AMERICA! ^-^

Then dad and the youth group are going to Crescent Lake on Thursday-Saturday... so it'll be me mom and the brat UGH... I will be outnumbered, and it will suck. But on Sunday, weather permitting, we are going to Stormy Lake for a day of fun in the sun... we'll take dad's boat out and pull everyone around on inner tubes, it's going to be so much fun!

Ok I am going to go, because Duane is trying to gross people out with his food and I want to kill him >_

I seriously am sick of Duane. Not the normal 'he annoys me' stuff either. He's come to a whole new level of brat.

He has it in his head that I'm leaving this week. I had to babysit him all day Tuesday and he annoyed me to no end. He wanted to ride his bike into town with a couple of his friends. I told him no, because I know darn well mom and dad would have told him the same. He starts pulling this "mom and dad let me all the time." Ok so that's lie one of the day, but that's nothing new that brat lies 24/7. I still tell him no, because I don't trust him to tell the truth and I don't want to have to explain to my parents my lapse of intelligence. Well then he REALLY hit the roof (mind you his two friends are right there in teh room) and he starts SCREAMING how fat, and ugly, and stupid I am and then tells his friends that I'm a faggot who wants to go to Hell. So I tell him he can't go back outside he needed a time out in his room. He then left the house. I was sooooooooo pissed by this point, but I figured if he did leave the yard I'd call dad at work and tell him about the whole problem. So after about 5 minutes of Duane ranting to his friends outside (I can just imagine what the freak said) he came inside and proceeded to scream at me some more, all the while not going near his room. I finally got him in the room... I spent the next hour hearing him scream at me from behind his door. I swear the child needs help or something he doesn't do this with mom or dad, just me. I hate it. I HATE BABYSITTING THIS KID. I would almost rather babysit that Jesse kid again (the one who described in perfect detail how he'd murder us all in our beds with the kitchen knives and the kid was barely 5, he ended up in a children's mental facility a while after that suffering from schizophrenia)...

so after that he quieted down and then I got to talking with one of our neighbors who needed help with something and he played this game of how abused he is when I babysit, so I thought wth, go ahead and go over to a friend's. So I told mom after she got home. And since he was already "punished" and she's sure I overreacted that she didn't need to talk to him at all. That pisses me off even more. I swear this kid can get away with ANYTHING. It SUCKS! >_<


Oh well... today I got to paint at the church all day. Mrs. Joy ended up with more paint on the floor than whatever it was she was painting... she cracks me up.

I'm watching this dancing with the stars with mom and it's weird. I like ice dancing SO much more lol.

anyway that's all for now... going to go put more stuff on the website... I so wish Dean would let me know BEFORE he tells everyone in the church what he wants on the website... because all this stuff that is supposed to be on the site isn't because I didn't know that's what he wanted LOL... UGH MEN!


ok I am going to go do something now... I shall see you all later!

-Tonichelle

PS, I have *way* too many Star Wars icons...

No I am not watching Shrek, but my head hurts and I love that line, so I dunno lol

So I drove today... to Soldotna and back. 2 more stupid times and I am so done. I am happy about that. No more screaming old guy freaking out because I cut corners (as do my parents, I don't realize I'm doing it so :p) and because I don't floor it LOL. I have to work on "picking up speed" because it's better to be over the speed limit than under it aparently. Honestly i don't care lol. I will go the speed limit or under when he is not in my car ;)

Anyone else tired of the Michael Jackson Trial Media Circus? It's disgusting. I think he did it. I think the media needs to quit playing up either side. End of story lol.

The weather is still crappy. And my headache is still really crappy.

VBS is almost over *yeay* and I am so sick of the music. Seriously I hear it more than even the music teacher. It stinks!

No news on the job but PLEASE KEEP PRAYING. I really want this job at the visitor center. It would be so much fun and so easy on me!

I fixed the church calendar all up last night, but I still need a way to do the prayer requests and praises before I am satisfied with the site....

ummmmmmmmm what else? Duane got in trouble again today and mom is ready to kill him. She's decided that she can't baby him anymore and I think that is awesome, because that is one of my pet peeves. (He's asleep on the couch and has an afgan covering him and Yuka is sleeping all cuddled on him. they are so cute when they are asleep!) aparently he got into a huge fight with a girl in his VBS class (the younger sister of two of my closest friends) and then he says the teacher kicked him but I think he's lying through his teeth. But another teacher had to chase him down. It was just one of those days. Needless to say mom is not someone you want to be around today. It sucks when he does this and the rest of us suffer because mom gets into a pissy mood. UGH.

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I know there's something else I need to put in here but I can't think of it. so I will end with

HAPPY BDAY TO melbo AND julesy YOU TWO ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Luv ya, mean it, chow!

So I got a call from Kimmy this morning (she caught me in teh shower, girl always has GREAT timing! LOL) she and I are going to carpool it on Sunday down to Kenai for Courtney's bridal shower (I can not believe she's getting married, it feels so weird!) So that will be fun. The plan stands right now that we'll meet up and head out after church. Not sure how that will work. I might suggest she pick me up at ABT, but then again she goes to Hillside and I don't think that's close to where she will be so I dunno! LOL

The one worry is I will be missing a couple of classes so close to the end of the semester, but honestly I would rather screw my grades over than miss Courtney's bridal shower (and my mother is reading this and throwing a fit ha ha!) because Courtney and I are great friends, and she really needs this and I want to be a part of it. Besides I already told Kim that it was a go! hee hee!!!


Talked to Erin on Sunday. Apparently Brittany (a real witch of a girl who thinks everyone bows to what she wants!) has it in her head that Erin is practically engaged! Which is funny because Erin isn't dating anyone LOL But Brittany thinks it's happening (apparently Erin went to Hawaii for Spring Break, even though Erin thought she packed up and moved to a new appartment, but what does she know ha ha!)

Then Brittany told her that she wanted to come visit her for the summer. Without asking Erin. Gotta love that.

So then yesterday Brittany came up to me and tried to ream me for not wanting to go down to Portland over the summer (um yeah, Erin doesn't want me flying down there because she'll be here in August and she doesn't want to have to entertain me and do school) then she drops this huge bomb about Erin being engaged and all that and I was like "mmm hmmm, sure" then she said that she is going to be flying down to visit Erin in July (last Erin knew she WASN'T flying down) and that ERIN was going to PICK HER UP in SEATTLE because ERIN said that it would be cheaper for her to fly there and Erin would be more than willing to drive and get her. I told Erin this over IM (AS BRITTANY IS SAYING ALL OF THIS) it was hilarious!!!! Erin was pissed though. But it was funny.

I think Brittany's real problem is she wants to break Erin and my friendship up. But that is not happening. Ever.



Speaking of Erin... the little miss I am not a skating fan is going to see Champions On Ice later this month! HOW MEAN IS THAT?????? She doesn't want to share Timmy with me!!!! UGH! I am so jealous! It's not fair!!!!

/whining

ok I have to get to my last class (gag me) so I am going to sign off for now! Luv much... oh and check out my layout for my friends page while you're at it!

36 days (ie 5 WEEKS!!!) until the Revenge of the Sith!

Just a memo to self... I have to be at Prof. Banchero's office at 3:30pm on Friday!

Well, the crisis hasn't really passed, but I am not at liberty to discuss, and really I don't know if I know enough to know that I know.

Let's just say I am still confused, but have at least one more part of the puzzle.

I have been gone all day, and it was an emo roller coaster, but I guess I wouldn't change it. Other than Duane the day was great. Seriously though the child needs to get his act together.

I tried to read everyone's entries, but I am so tired and I have church in teh morning so I guess I will just say I LOVE YOU ALL and I am not ignoring your journals! I just have so much to go through and I am drained. So *HUGS* to all and I will get to your entries tomorrow or Monday!

I have a prayer request. During the Sportsman show I got a tip on a job opportunity for the summer down in Kenai. That would severely change my summer plans, but I think this is a good change. I'd be working at the Visitor Center in Kenai and that's right by my house. I am excited about that! So I will be emailing them tomorrow for more info on that. Please pray that this all works out in teh best possible way. I REALLY miss home, granted DUANE lives there lol but I miss my church and my friends.


Oh and another prayer request: Kassy has been in Fiji for a few days now on a mission trip. She comes home in June. I miss her lol

and Josh and his sister Brittany will be in Russia this summer...


exciting times... whowouldathunk that we'd all grow up? LOL

I feel bad even posting anything about today after the news on Angela, but I guess I owe it to those who are reading this thing (all 1 of you ha ha)

Anyway, I got out later than expected, but I made it just in time for Mike to take to the ice and skate for his SP practice... *gush warning* I was so happy to see him skate. I was the only one in our group to be excited, but I was. I think he's great. Yeah his programs suck but what can he do? He doesn't have much to work with, ya know? He was really hit and miss but still I enjoyed seeing him live. It was exciting. I loved it. He was hitting some clean quads, but none in combination which is what he wanted, big time...

I didn't take notes and I'm still a little shell shocked so I will do my best to remember...

Tim's Short program is interesting. The music choice was different -- very light -- but it was very good. It worked, which was surprising considering it's TIM. I love Timmy too, so it was great to see him out there... Evan looked very strong too. Frank Carrol was watching Tim pretty closely. I guess Tim is still upset about the whole dropping thing, but they've been cordial from everything I have heard, so that's nice to know. An article on Tim and Frank was in the paper today and Frank was very nice and understanding. It seems like he genuinely cares (though I think dropping him when he did was kind of off... don't hurt the guy when he's down!) Tim, though, seems hungry for a win. I hope he stays strong... he wasn't doing a whole lot in teh way of jumps today.

Then the announcer gets on at the end of the session and says we all had to leave because the warm-ups were closed. Which was weird because they hadn't been any time earlier in teh week. The WHOLE CROWD started to boo, then this one lady started screaming and throwing a fit. Thankfully Melissa's mom came in about that time and said that it seemed like a really dumb rule and talked us into staying. Which we did and we never had a problem. I also got to meet Melissa's grandparents today. They are so sweet. Her grandma is a kick! I had gotten a roll of film developed yesterday and it was all Melissa and Denis and her g'ma wanted several of the photos, so I am getting her copies. She is a sweetheart... that whole family is just so loveable. They are very warm and recieving... Not only did Dale--Melissa's mom--introduce me to them, but Heather and Mel as well. That was just so cool. She's a doll! Love ya, Dale!(not that she reads but still haha!)

Anyway the warm-ups were good... We cheered hard for Melissa and Denis--of course--and I took pics--of course... they looked so good, but Dale was giving us info on Melissa's troubles with teh footwork. About a week and a half ago Melissa got a concussion after falling on a part of it. So after that I was soooooo nervous for them. But they rocked the house. The personality they put in that OD is just awesome! I still think they should have had higher marks but NO one listens to me LOL

Tanith and Ben were stellar, which is no surprise. I hate her "skirt" but what can ya do? Marks were good, did not agree with some but again, what can ya do?

I then came home and ate tacos...

headed back to the rink and that's when I first heard the news about Angela. Erin called me and asked if I was sitting down and I said that yeah I was lucky to grab a seat, and she said "good because Angela Niko-something's mom died in a car wreck" all I could say was "Oh my God" over and over. I was almost in tears. So upset in fact that someone asked if I was ok and did I need to get somewhere, and I assured them that I was fine and that the next stop was mine. I then ran for the rink and prayed that I could get to Heather to see if she knew anything. About the time I got to our seats (which are not the ones we paid for but hey! No one has claimed them so far!) is when Dawn must have called because Anna and Mel said that they just heard from Dawn via Heather... Dawn was clearly upset and that made Heather upset... and since we were all talking about it the officials surrounding us heard and wanted to know what the heck was going on. There were a lot of people calling people... ABC was frantically trying to get info... it was crazy....

The opening ceremonies were so boring

the pairs SP was pretty ho hum for me. the US needs serious help... either the team is relatively clean with no real choreography or they have great choreography and sucky everything else... I honestly thought that had Tiffany hit everything they'd have been fine... I really like their short. Oh well. Katie and Garrett were really teh highlight for me. Other than her fall they were great. I think if they'd had warmed-up the throw she'd have hit it. Rena and John are a snorefest IMHO. I really don't care for their program. I never have gotten into their skating... his mom sat behind us...

which reminds me NAOMI LANG and posse sat behind us (which meant that Peter T was there too... and the BABY!!!) the baby is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO cute! And was so hyper... and sweat... she is all cheeks! I loved talking with Naomi and playing with the baby. She smiled at me! I felt special (though she was more interested in grabbing Anna's hair. It was so funny!) Naomi was really cheering on Melissa and Denis which was awesome. What made me sad, though, was the fact that when the first flight came out for the warm ups Naomi was telling her mom she couldn't sit through the competition. She kept saying "it's going to be too hard to watch" but she made it through the whole thing, but it was obvious she was missing being out there. I wouldn't be surprised if she thought about a come back. She obviously still loves it. Johnny also sat behind us, but his silver shoes scare me LOL Not a big fan of his so I was more excited to make faces at teh baby. Peter, Mel informed Anna and I, smells really good. LOL

and I just saw what time it is so I'm leaving you all now!

not sure what the schedule is for tomorrow... I'll have to sleep on it!

[edited to add:] I totally spaced talking about Peter Carruthers. He was looking very nice all dressed up for the pairs SP... and I noticed he was wearing a pink shirt. Which I pointed out to Heather (who first looked towards where he'd sat all week during practices LOL) and then he stood up to mess with his jacket and we saw that he was also wearing a pink tie with purple diagonal stripes... so we got to have a little fun with that (he must be tributing the ice dancers as those colors are the most popular with them this season LOL) so there's some more fluff stuff that you didn't want to know ;)

before Heather brings her butt kicking gear to Portland... I will just say that I think the worst is over. The Reitter side of my family can't be in the same room for more than a few hours, and Christmas Day makes it 3 days... so tension is high. But it seems to get worse every year. I don't know why I am so sensitive about my weight. I know I am over weight and headed towards obesity... I'm not OBESE(or at least I hope I'm not) but really I feel fine with who I am. But then Grandma starts in on "you're so fat" "you don't want to look like (your friend)" "don't you think you've had enough cookies this year" and I just couldn't take it. I let off steam left and right and it just got worse. So needless to say I got pissy and that caused a lot of the problems later on.

When I came on and ranted with R rated language(at least for my family) that was right after Grandma belittled me with how rude and inconsiterate and selfish I was for trying to get her up to speed with a movie. She said I "gave it away" (It was JTT's movie "I'll Be Home For Christmas" and I sooooooo did not give it away) however DAD did five minutes later, and she didn't even say anything! I was like I just couldn't do anything right!!!!! I was just got fed up and wanted out.

So tonight we all watched me at age 3 unwrap a crapload of toys (and clothes, which you could tell I was *thrilled* about) we had a few laughs at everyone's expense (dad's "segment" was indeed the funniest!) and I think that helped a lot. However don't be surprised if I come on tomorrow and rant some more LOL I expect it will only get worse...


and since G'ma and G'pa (whom I love dearly, I don't know WHAT was up G'ma's butt today) will be down until after Duane's adoption (Dec 30th) it should be loads of *fun* (then again my behavior might send them packing after tomorrow LOL)

so yeah, Heather, keep your kick butt attitude safely packed away at home ;) LOLI think I'm fine (I just need some space to rant!)

I want to thank all of you who commented in the last couple of entries (and the emails! They were sweet too!)

This group of skating fans(and others who are on GJ) is fast becoming my source of sanity (scary isn't it?) at LEAST 90% of the time... and 10% my reality... I so wish we could all just live in our own little skating fan world and never have to deal with the crappy everyday one!

so anyway... we're back to having a Merry Christmas

I love you all!

His dad is back on the "playing field" he's back living with Duane's step-mom and is now having her kids harass Duane... he is also hanging around the school now because he has an excuse... mom and dad are pulling Duane from public school and putting him in private school... they are also getting a restraining order...

he's back to sleeping with his big stick in teh bed and hiding in teh closet... so much for progress.. he's also getting into trouble at school...

this is just so stupid GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR who wants to help me beat the crap out of his dad(don't think I'd need the help, but I might end up killing him if someone's not there to stop me)
keep Duane in your prayers...




in happier news:
http://www.geocities.com/alaskanmagic has a new layout

Ok I am packing, but how much fun can that possibly me? LOL

Mom and Dad went hiking and wont be back till late Wednesday (if all goes well). Duane is at Pastor Deans for many reasons, mostly because I said I didn't want him bugging me while I packed. (Let's just say teh kid wants me out, but at the same time wants me to take only the things he doesn't want/"need") I am getting more done with him gone than I even expected to, so that's a plus.

Erin will be spending the night while they're gone, but she is so "over booked" in the next two weeks though that she won't be "home" till late. Oh well.

The pugnic went well on Saturday, it was insanely hot (90* at 6:30 and it was still going up!) but the pugs had a good time. Yuka got herself and 6 others in trouble when they all followed her out of the park and into the street... thankfully it's not a busy neighborhood. She was very naughty.

Sunday I didn't do much after church, but Erin and I did go and see the Stepford Wives. I knew going in that there was going to be a lot of sexualiy and femminisim (sp) two things I don't really enjoy, but with Matthew Brodderick, Nicole Kiddman, Bette Midler, Faith Hill, and Glenn Close how could I not! LOL it was a well made well acted movie, I'll give you that. Some of the lines were great (Bette's character, pre-Barbieization was so funny) but a lot of lines in the previews never made it to the final cut... it was about 1hr and 45 minutes and while it was good it was not great and I don't recommend those of you who are conservatives(or very naieve) to go and see it(or rent it for that matter) it was good, but if I had to do it over I would have waited for the TV version where the nasty stuff would be cut out LOL

several updates

first of all... I planned on doing lots of stuff for school online today at Kassy's house(the house I'm housesitting) ha ha ha. their phone is disconnected. so I called Mr. Bill who is incharge of their finance stuff while they're gone... yeah, no phone bill... sent one off a couple weeks ago with payment... the next one isn't even due until next month... so what the heck??? LOL oh well, we'll figure it out.

second. Duane testifies tomorrow at 9am my time... that's 10pm Calafornia time so back track for everywhere else for those of you wanting to set the time to pray. Duane is basically throwing up regularly because he's scared, but he's not going to back out, he's gotta do it, it's "his mission"... so keep him in your prayers, as well as my mom (parents spend all day in court today, find out dad isn't even needed for testimony, and mom isn't scheduled till tomorrow, whatever! LOL) Duane is not talking to me because I can't go(I wouldn't be allowed in the courtroom anyway as it's a closed hearing and I'm not needed) so yeah, I failed sister 101 AGAIN. So goes the story of my life.

thirdly... not sure how many of you know of the soap opera that is one of my good friends' life... but apparently her mom got a job that I looked into recently(and was told they weren't hiring! GRRR) normally I wouldn't be so upset, but this mom is just evil(so mush so she makes Speedy look like a saint! LOL). Anyway, she is the one who got a divorce from her husband last year and basically has caused trouble for her family and our church ever since. Well one of my other friends' dad went into the place she works at the other day and talked to her and then left after purchasing something. The next weekend his wife went in to see her, and they got to talking, well he walks in to say "honey lets go" and finds out that all of the employees there have been told that he and my friends mom have been getting it on... YUCK. Needless to say it's all rather funny now, but he's still very upset, and the lady's daughter(my friend) is mortified... parents can really suck sometimes

anywho I have to print out some stuff and read everyone else's journal entries... so I'll stop confusing you!

and it's not like I've done much today. I slept well and everything. So I don't know.

Dad's in a really bad mood, his truck is broken and we don't have the $$ to get him a decent one and so he is basically feeling like a failure and treats everyone like crap. So yeah, today sucks. (surprise there *rolleyes*)

I wish there were someway I can help, but I'm just as big a failure... which I think is the biggest problem. So yeah...



Erin's busy doing lots of bowling stuff... so I don't know what to do, I'm bored, this house smells/feels/thinks like crap...

I can't wait to move out.

Ok last night was NERVE WRACKING. I was really needing a break after my g'parents came to visit. This whole week sucked. Mom and I are getting really bad again, and on Tuesday Night mom said something and started getting on my case and then Grandma tried to calm me down and I just lit into everyone. Then as I left the area to just get away from everyone after I basically blew the dinner time atmosphere mom said "She's just a witch all the time, don't mind her" and I turned around and that was it and I just totally let go with something I've kept from everyone since 4th grade when my mom basically threw me up against the wall and said I was nothing but a b*tch and I'd never be anything but a b*tch. So I basically told her I was living up to the standards she had for me, and I'd hate to disappoint her. So THEN I basically locked myself in my bathroom and just let the waterworks come. I was more mad than sad, but G'ma thought SHE was the one who made me feel this way and so she came to apologise(mind you neither one of my parents even acted like this thing even happened, which is typical for them, "Toni's Nutz" is basically what they treat these little "I've had it"s of mine). I told her it wasn't her, but she didn't believe me, and she was so heartbroken, but I didn't want to talk so I just stayed quiet. I think I've ruined our relationship for live. I'm such a loser.

So anyway, I didn't feel much like going to youth group OR church last night due to all of the stupidness I had the last few days, so I stayed home(and of course got more reaction out of my dad for THAT then my whole tyrade on Tuesday! *rolleyes* Which was so not my reason for not going.) and basically just sat on the couch and was a bum with my dogs. I could seriously get used to being a depressed person! LOL So basically NOTHING is on on Wednesdays until 9pm, usually, but American Idol is back on. Well I didn't realize that it was on at 7:30pm so I was all excited at 7pm for some quality entertainment, only to realize THAT 70s Show was on... YUCK! So I watched about 5 mins of 60 Minutes and then shut the TV off and listened to Josh Groban, always a good choice! 8:30 came and Erin called and said we needed to practice our "phone Idol" stuff(meaning next year the way we'll be watching Idol together is on the phone as she won't be going to college with me! :( ) And we began to watch. John Stevens(The Crooner) has been my favorite since his audition in New York, and I have to say he sounds good even when he forgets the words! His song sounded good, what he was able to remember. But I was sooooooooooooooooo sure he'd be cut, and I was basically already really emotional, so I was crying on the phone to Erin about my problems and holding on to the VCR remote(gotta record me some American Idol LOL) which I broke after he MADE IT TO THE TOP 32! I didn't realize I had screamed this loco scream, but Yuka and Lulu (who had been sleeping) ran so hard and fast to the kitchen to get away from me! And Erin's ear is ringing 24 hours after the whole ordeal! OOPS! ;) Anyway, I was really really really excited about it, and the dogs are still scared of me, but it's all good. I definately have a better outlook on life today! LOL

American Idol can be good therapy... sometimes.

Well, Nikiski pool closed and failed to call us and let us know. So we drove out there only to find it was closed due to "backed up sewage". So we spent 2 hours in a very crowded McDonalds. He got a lot of junk from his biological mom and step-dad.

Now he thinks he's king of the world and, *gasp* surprise surprise, mom is letting him be in control. So now he is telling mom to ground me from anything at all except my room. Mmm hmm... oh look mom thinks it's a good idea if I don't get off the computer "right now".

Gee, I wish *I* had that power on MY birthday... but wait, it was still Duane's day to shine that day too.

Tell me again, WHY am I still considered part of the family? The dogs have more privileges than I do. But then again, I just have a bad attitude. Yup... gotta love my life sometimes... dad will be home soon, I hope.

yeah, maybe not everyday but I'm so sick of being treated like crap. *I* better not have a bad attitude or I'm just a horrible person! But man, they can treat me like crap if they want to. Yup. Duane can spit on me and if I retaliate at ALL mom screams at ME like I'm this horrible horrible person

and once again I'm told I'm better off GONE. boy I feel loved.

In other news, *hee hee* I am still in my pjs. I don't feel good, and it's freezing outside, so why should I get dressed at all? *tee hee* We're having chicken thighs and noodles for dinner. I should start on my 7 chapters of 1984 but I have till Tuesday, and I'm not really excited about the whole thing, I'll get it done.

Duane has decided to be a total brat today. Just when I thought he'd be a good kid. Nope... it's all unfair that we have dogs today because he can't do ANYTHING he wants to do when they're around. Nevermind that the ANYTHING is teasing and beating up on the dogs, but hey it's the only thing to do, right? UGH!

So yeah, mom's mad at me because I keep telling Duane to be nice to the dogs. I'm *so* horrible to him. I can't wait till this summer when I can finally MOVE OUT and live with Aunt Judy. I'm so sick of feeling like I don't belong.