Let's Celebrate, It's All Right!

So it's been forever since I did a blog post. Guess I'm just so bored I figured I wouldn't bore the rest of the world with my boring life. ha ha!

Anyway, life is pretty good. I can't complain, really. I mean the very gift of life makes it so that we shouldn't complain. God doesn't have to let us live, ya know? ;)

Work is going well, I'm technically holding two jobs, but if I see any work with the Seavey's it will be very little and probably not until the season gets incredibly busy, or, with my luck, when they run out of workers at the end of the season. Ha ha! Still, I am connected with Wildride in some way still and I'm fine with that.

Census work is pretty slow, at least on my end. Phone isn't ringing nearly as much as a month ago, but I feel that's a blessing. I'm surprised it isn't ringing MORE with complaints by conspiracy freaks intent on finding something wrong with the system and how it's really a part of the overall "Big Brother" movement (I hate that book with a passion lol).

Other than a few coworker drama issues I am enjoying it. Most folks get along rather well, which makes it fun. It's pretty relaxed which is also works well for me considering the only other full time job I've had has also been uber relaxed while maintaining professionalism (I don't count Sears as full time even though I was running an average of 45 hours a week, but getting paid as a parttime employee, but I won't start that rant up again.)

Other than that nothing much is going on. With this new job I'm able to get outta town every once in a while and I've been down to Kenai in the last month more times that I was all of last year! CRAZY!

Erin and I are already planning our trip for next year. I'm hoping that the work will be winding down at the Bureau by the last week and a half of August so that I can take the trip with Erin and then come back and start something new.

We're planning a road trip through Western Canada. So far the prelim planning is going well, and we're already getting excited for it. Then we'll have something like 5 months to save up for Haille's birthday bash at Disneyland. I think we're crazy, but we already knew that so it's all good. Besides the DL trip will be much shorter than the WDW trip ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND cheaper because it just will be ha ha!


Well, it's 8am and I'm up (stupid dog on the stupid work schedule), so I'm going to make myself somethig to eat and get ready to head over to the g'parents' for the day. Jeff is down b.s.ing my parents (heaven help him if he pulls any crap about or with my mom because dad's about ready to kill him. Which I think any judge would find it to be justifiable homicide) for the weekend so I can feel safe going over and hanging with my family. If Jeff disappeared on his Memorial day weekend trip I wouldn't really be upset about it. I know that's cruel but I seriously can't shake these feelings (or I guess the better way to say it is I don't want to.) God's working on me, but I'm fighting it (if you couldn't tell).

Anyway gonna have dinner over there and everything. Tried talking them into going OUT to eat, but nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. So yeah. *sigh*

So I'm gonna go... yup.

This past week is just a blur. We had Haille Rae from Sunday evening to yesterday afternoon... and I was the one that took care of her most of the time. And even when my aunt WAS here she wasn't really and so I was saddled with the responsibility. Which is fine, but I would have liked a little ME time, ya know?

Anyway Haille and I baked cookies, played, watching Snow White several times each day (my fault, we did a Princess movie marathon and she fell in love with Snow White above all the others because she loves "the Witch" lol) and had a pretty good time. Poor baby had a cold so we didn't get to do anything that I promised her we would (like go to the zoo and play outside in the snow) but she didn't seem to mind. She LOVED helping to roll out the dough and cut the cookies... and the frosting was even more fun. Yuka had pink fur at one point. It was pretty interesting.

Mostly, though, we just watched Mickey Mouse and Snow White because she was sick and didn't want to do a whole lot. She also sat with her little vtech laptop next to me while I was working on mine ha ha! She is so stinking cute that it isn't funny!

Christmas Eve had EVERYONE over here. And I do mean everyone. My parents and Brother got here around 5, and then everyone started showing up. G'ma, G'pa... Jim Louisa & their two kids AND two dogs. Jeff and Lindsay and Lindsay's dog Mazel plus Jeff brought Willie even after Gpa said not to lol. We had EIGHT DOGS in the house... we sent the more rambuncious ones outside and so we ended up with SIX in the living room. INSANITY. But it was good times. The kids got to open the presents we had on hand here as well as the adults that we planned on giving. Haille got to open ONE of her gifts... and it just happened to be the one from my parents (actually I gave her one box but it wasn't as big as the boxes that Trinity and Dimitri got so I had to go digging around for one that was the same basic size lol) My mom made her a Princess blanket that had the three classics on it. Cinderella, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty. You would have thought the child had a golden ticket the way she flipped out. She was over the moon in love with that thing because it had SNOW WHITE on it. It was so cute!

I had a heck of a time finding where I'd put Trinity's gift, but she loved hers too. It's a Hannah Montana Varisty style Jacket and it has her name on it. She was so in awe of it having her name on it. She didn't take it off the rest of the night!

Christmas morning we opened all of our gifts and I had to say that it was probably one of the nicest we've had in a while. Even with the fact that we were all on a smaller budget everyone was so thankful and I think the budget had something to do with it. Instead of getting a bunch of things that maybe seem like what would be good... we had to THINK about that one or two special gifts for that person. My parents did something I wasn't expecting at all they got me a Studio Light set up. Two lamps complete with everything from umprellas to stands to extra bulbs... I was just not expecting that at all. I know how much those cost! They got it direct from B&H too. So it weren't cheap! And it wasn't a 'whole family' pitch in project either like my camera was. I was just floored.

Gaylord also got me camera stuff... a very nice monopod (I've always wanted one) and a filter that works with digital cameras... now I just have to remember how to use filters lol.

I got a few other things, mainly $$ for my upcoming trip (almost $200 worth lol) but I was just enjoying being with my family. I miss my mom and dad... 'specially dad. We had a great time.

We went to the g'parents' for dinner and had a great time... dad was telling stories about when I was little and Haille was hanging with my cousin's kids... she was totally in love with Dimitri who is about 2 years older than she is lol she calls him "The boy" it was so cute. He was teaching her how to play a game on his new Nintendo DS system. Surprisingly she was catching on pretty dang quick. I was impressed. She told Judy that she wanted one for Christmas next year ha ha!

Well, I am uploading songs to my ipod (which my awesome best friend got for me for Christmas even though she wasn't supposed to get me ANYTHING, the buttface) on Judy's computer since my laptop won't talk to my ipod (and vice versa...) so I best get back to that. Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and long weekend!

God is so amazing, and He shows Himself in the most wonderful of ways. I am loving getting to watch Him work in the lives of my friends. Casey and Dan got to bring Zoe home the other day and the pictures are beautiful. Zoe is all smiles (granted at this age she has no control but still, I don't remember Haille smiling so much as that little one does lol). Asher's baby sister fits so well with them, it will be neat to see how she grows up.

I have to take the dogs to the vet today, and I need to pick up stamps to mail all my Christmas cards with... oh and I almost forgot I need to call WDW right now! ack!

and I'm off!

So I'm in teh bathroom this morning and the phone rings and I can't get it in time so the answering machine picks up. I come out of the bathroom a while later and check the machine not thinking anything about it.

Turns out it's the still MRS. Gaylord. Yup. The one he left for my aunt. The one he didn't have the guts to face when saying he wanted a divorce. The one he just abandoned. That one.

The one my aunt calls psycho because this woman dares to be upset about the whole affair (which is what this is).

The tirade left on the machine was actually pretty tame, no bad words but a lot of hurt and a lot of anger. She could have said some things a bit more tactfully, but she has every right to throw a fit.

No doubt when Judy and Gaylord hear it tonight (mom said not to delete it) that Gaylord will call his wife and get all upset with her like she's the one with the problem.

I don't understand this whole thing at all. How can this be love? It's certainly not RIGHT whatever it is. And in the end I think Judy will be the one that's the most hurt in all of this.

The Mrs. asked my aunt what gave her the right to take her husband, and I'd like to know the same. Gaylord gave up thirty one years of marriage for this. Is he in this relationship for the long haul, or when another "childhood crush" comes along will he leave Judy asking these same questions (though she can't be as surprised if it happens considering what he did to have her).

It makes me have less respect for my aunt, and none for him. It's just UGH!

Haille came over for a few hours today. I really needed a Hae-Rae fix, and boy did I ever get one. That child has so much energy, but she is sooooo funny! Her vocabulary is huge, and she picks up on everything.

We watched Mickey Mouse cartoons, Veggietales Singalongs, and Donald Duck cartoons... and she loved them. We played with toys and she used me as her personal gym equipment.

The house has really come together for Halloween, it looks awesome. And like I said earlier this week - I got my costume. Judy is in charge of my hair and make up and she picked up all of that stuff last night and today. I'm uber excited but I'll bet I scare a bunch of little kids when they come to the door!

Now I'm working on my photo portfolio and winding down. I feel like I've been hit by a mack truck.

Talking with my aunt on the phone BRIEFLY last night revealed that this guy she went to grammar school with way back when (that she recently found on classmates.com) is "in love with" her. I suspected as much as these last 10 days have been filled with cards and packages in the mailbox. It's quite annoying, he keeps forgetting she isn't in AK at the moment so he's calling at all times of day - normally late at night.

I originally thought he was married, but apparently he's in the process of divorcing (go figure). He's planning on moving up to Alaska soon... which means I may be homeless pretty soon. Kinda feeling put off at the thought that I'm so easily expendable... but oh well.

If worse comes to worse I can always move down to Kenai for a while, really work on my photography and go from there. I know that Kenai is somewhat of a death sentence for those of us with dreams, but who knows. God might want me back down there. I dunno.

I'll miss hanging with Judy and having a bit more freedom (and a vehicle) but I guess I've mooched long enough, eh?

Tomorrow I'm driving down to Kenai for my mom's bday on Saturday. I'm planning to be there till sometime Tuesday when I drive back up. Originally, I was going to go down with Judy in the Saturn, but considering I won't have a weekend to myself this summer this is the last chance I have till September to be with my friends and family down there, so I'm gonna go for as long as possible. I can't be gone longer than that because work might need me (should need me, really) and I have a dental appointment on Thursday... so I want a couple of days to myself before the work begins... *sigh*

I'll, of course, have a 'net connection, but I won't be goofing off online as much as usual lol

...he always hits me square between the eyes.

This whole "Live Like You Were Dying" series at church has been kicking my butt. Talk about making one re-evaluate their walk with God and making one feel convicted! It's like Preacher KNOWS... He's like Santa Claus or something.

Actually, not really. It's God speaking through Preacher, and in a Mighty way. I am so thankful I have a pastor who is willing and ready to smack his congregation upside the head time and again with the Word of God. He's not seeker friendly, he's about building a strong and healthy foundation in Christ for all of his sheep.

But yeah... ( wow )

In other, non religious related news, I just raked part of the back yard, I smell really bad now because the back yard smells horrible! lol. I worked on the church website this morning, gotta make a lot of changes in the next two weeks, but it will be worth it in the long run. Pastor Davis is so different from Pastor Dean when it comes to this website, so the website will be getting a face lift soon.

I also got 'commissioned' to be one of two photographers (Pastor Davis wil be the other one) to shoot the new Church directory. We'll be doing that in the late fall (September/October) I may have him bump it up as work ends september 1 (for the life of me I couldn't remember how far into Sept. we were planned to go lol) and I'm worried I'll be working full time in Kenai during weekends when I need to be writing and studying. We'll see.

I somehow rubbed a blood blister on the palm of my right hand, typing hurts!

I think that's pretty much all that is going on with me. I gotta hit the shower and get ready for a wedding rehearsal dinner. For a wedding for family, that didn't even think to ask me to shoot the wedding. But then they called yesterday and asked if I could shoot the rehearsal and getting ready. I said no. If they'd asked earlier in the year I would have, but I don't have the card/disk space at the moment, and I'm not going to stress about it. I have already committed this time for the website and just some ME time when I'm not travelling to Kenai (will be there for mom's bday next weekend). *sigh*

The days are going by way too fast, btw. Anyway gonna jump in the shower in about 15 minutes and I still have email to go through so I'm gonna quit rambling here! Hope everyone's early summer is going well...

week went by way too fast...

but I feel like crap so I guess it's a good thing I'm back and can just live in my cave till my tummy stops doing flip flops...

gotta work on the church website this weekend, and attend a wedding... it's gonna be weird not being a photgrapher for the wedding... aside from 'snapshots' of Haille in her flowergirl dress i'm not having to cover a thing! *whew*

I woke up crying and clinging to my pillows this morning because of a horrifying and very real feeling dream.

It started out where I was back in Kenai at the church in teh fellowship hall, we were having an end of summer potluck and everyone was there. We were laughing and carrying on and having a great time.

I almost want to think it was like the potluck that we had as a send off to the Nichols it was just that much fun - but without the lingering sadness.

The whole thing was going well and then the fellowship hall's kitchen phone rings and it's for my mom. She's talking on the phone and then a friend of the family comes up to me and tells me that my dad is dead. Just like that. It was a compassionate telling and all but it was just one of those things that was shocking.

My subconcious told me he was supposed to be out hunting, apparently in this dream there was a hunting accident and there was nothing anyone could do for dad. Why he was out there during a big church event who knows.

I remember running to my mom and screaming no no nononono! and my biggest thing was that I wasn't going to have a father daughter dance, and that I needed my daddy and all of that. Duane wasn't in the dream at all, which is weird, normally he's in everything, so maybe he was with dad? lol.

Anyway mom tried to comfort me and I pushed her away and went running down the hall to the youth room. Well, really Miss Chris' sunday school room (the way it was before dad knocked down the wall lol) and Pastor Robin was there and he was doing something on his cell phone/black berry (I don't think he even has one of those but whatever) and I just stood there staring at him. He looked up and said something like "I know" and I just ran over and fell into his arms and started crying

that's when I forced myself awake and I was bawling in my pillows. Yuka looked at me like I was nuts.



Fastforward to this evening and Judy's all ticked off at me because I want to call and just talk to dad, but apparently she thinks I'd only be worried had it been DAD. If it were MOM I wouldn't be wanting to call home. Um, yeah, well I've never had a dream like this before and I probably would want to hear her voice if the roles had been switched.

But yeah she SCREAMED at me and basically I went running into my room and that's where I'm staying the rest of the night. I don't get why being a daddy's girl ticks her off so much. Just because I'm his girl it doesn't mean I wouldn't find a dream like this about my mom just as traumatic!

UGH!

so yeah I'm a ball of emotions tonight. and no I didn't eat anything weird.

went with dad and the guys yesterday and it was so much fun. Pastor Robin is a KICK! Though I do feel bad for him, he did NOT KNOW what it's like doing something like this with my dad. He kept saying how it was just wearing him out! ha ha!

My dad gets tunnel vision and then just GOES. Top that off with the fact that he knows just about everyone that has a booth there and you get a lot of starting and stopping and buying. Dad sold half of the fishing gear that the guys bought. The reps at the booths just sat there and let him do it! I was rolling!

Anyway I have a photo assignment due tomorrow and so I took my camera along. I had to do something 'abstract' and the fishing equipment was perfect.

I think this one is my favorite


it's that one or this one


or this one lol I dunno!


oh and the best quote from the day was by Pastor Robin - "3,000 people in here, and your dad know's EVERY ONE OF THEM." ha ha!

So Easter went well even though I didn't sleep well the night before and my dog woke me up a 5. I got ready for church and made it to the early service so that I could then hop up into the girls sunday school class and teach with Mary for the next two hours.

All in all it was a very nice Easter service, and it was a blessing to sit in the congregation for a change. As much as I enjoy being a teacher, I really do miss hearing the Pastor on Sunday mornings.

I am getting a bit discouraged as a teacher though, and I know it's partially due to my own pride. I'm in charge of crafts, and this year the girls just aren't into them. No matter what type of craft we do they complain about it. How it's either too messy, or too hard, or too boring. They hardly even attempt the crafts, and I've done different levels of difficulty.

If they see the glue come out most of them start screaming that they don't want to get messy, and if I bring out a color sheet they need my HELP to color it! I know darn well they're all more capable than they let on or they'd not be getting to advance to 1st grade in school! UGH!

Some of them just act like spoiled little girls that always get their way and it just rubs me wrong. It's frustrating to feel like that because I honestly love teaching them and I love the girls... but I don't know how much more of this whining I can take.

After church I had to head out to Settler's Bay which is about an hour and a half away from Anchorage by car. Met up with Judy and Juanita & Haille and we all got our hair done (I just got mine trimmed up, and my eyebrows waxed, OW!). Haille got her first hair cut - all she did was trim it up - and she was such a good girl about it! She didn't freak out or anything! :)

Then I headed BACK to Anchorage, picked up Yuka and went over to my grandparents' house. Dinner went pretty well, and Jeff was pretty good. He did get on his traditional 'your dad sucks' trip... but I respectfully put him in his place.

He got on dad's case about my dad having a boat, two four wheelers, and two snow machines... saying that it was a status thing. The boat is actually my grandfather's and it stays at my parents' house because that's where we go fishing is on the peninsula. It makes no sense to store it up here in Anchorage to drive it down for the summer and drive it back up. Dad ultimately will own the boat after my grandparents' are gone, but it's still g'pa's boat.

The fourwheelers are practical as well as fun for my dad. Yes he has a big macho green one and all, but if he wants to keep up with the other guys he has to upgrade. He never gets the biggest and best model, he gets what he needs. Trust me, Jeff, if he wanted to keep up with the Jones' (or in this case the Davis', Davidson's, and Bierdeman's) he'd have a whole lot of crap!

The snow machines that he owns are used machines. One of which was a GIFT to him from the Youth Group. Tell me how that is my dad trying to brag.

Jeff also said that dad is spending my mother's money on himself. Which totally pissed me off because that's so not true. First off they're married so it's not his or her's it's theirs, and secondly it's none of Jeff's concern what they do with that money.

Just because dad likes outdoor toys it does not make Jeff better. JEFF is the one who is slowly but surely taking over my grandparents' home with his stupid little remodeling projects. If THAT is not a status thing I don't know what is.

I basically told Jeff he didn't know what he was talking about. I guess if I don't scream at him that he's an @$$, though, he doesn't get it that I don't want to hear his crap.

I'm fuming again as I write this.

Why can't he get it through his head that my dad is not some evil monster that Jeff needs to save us from? I'm sure that if dad WERE, I wouldn't admire and love him as much as I do.

UGH!

anyway I am skipping Digital imaging, I loved the Lamb at dinner last night, but it didn't love me and so I slept late, and I've studied all morning to the point where my head hurts.. I'm going to take a small break and then get back into it before I leave for class @4 for my test... OY!

So dad lost his wallet sometime yesterday. Not sure where. He's in a bad mood.

But it doesn't matter because we had fun at Friend Day at church. It was so hot today it rocked, man! It was sooooooo much fun, it was crazy. We had good food, and then all of these games. The first one was the egg toss. heh heh heh. Pastor Dean even joined in on that one, and he got egged BIG time... everyone did. It started out as a "real" game, but yeah everyone started chucking eggs at each other. Gotta love our church lol. Then the second game was a three legged race. I dared dad to race with Pastor Dean, but Dean was a wimp and told him no. It was still fun to watch though. They also did this relay with a hula hoop, and then they had the potatoe sack races... it was nice to watch and I took way too many pictures. But that is no surprise, is it? ;)

Tomorrow dad and the brat are going fishing and so mom, aunt judy, and I are going to go to the parade and other things yet to be determined...

Then Judy has to leave (it sucks I know) and mom and I will watch all of the awesome shows on TV... because the 1812 Overture is THE BEST SONG EVER... I seriously love that song, and cannons rule all. So yeah I am totally going to watch all that I can! ;) I LOVE THE FOURTH OF JULY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOT! GO AMERICA! ^-^

Then dad and the youth group are going to Crescent Lake on Thursday-Saturday... so it'll be me mom and the brat UGH... I will be outnumbered, and it will suck. But on Sunday, weather permitting, we are going to Stormy Lake for a day of fun in the sun... we'll take dad's boat out and pull everyone around on inner tubes, it's going to be so much fun!

Ok I am going to go, because Duane is trying to gross people out with his food and I want to kill him >_

Well, the crisis hasn't really passed, but I am not at liberty to discuss, and really I don't know if I know enough to know that I know.

Let's just say I am still confused, but have at least one more part of the puzzle.

I have been gone all day, and it was an emo roller coaster, but I guess I wouldn't change it. Other than Duane the day was great. Seriously though the child needs to get his act together.

I tried to read everyone's entries, but I am so tired and I have church in teh morning so I guess I will just say I LOVE YOU ALL and I am not ignoring your journals! I just have so much to go through and I am drained. So *HUGS* to all and I will get to your entries tomorrow or Monday!

I have a prayer request. During the Sportsman show I got a tip on a job opportunity for the summer down in Kenai. That would severely change my summer plans, but I think this is a good change. I'd be working at the Visitor Center in Kenai and that's right by my house. I am excited about that! So I will be emailing them tomorrow for more info on that. Please pray that this all works out in teh best possible way. I REALLY miss home, granted DUANE lives there lol but I miss my church and my friends.


Oh and another prayer request: Kassy has been in Fiji for a few days now on a mission trip. She comes home in June. I miss her lol

and Josh and his sister Brittany will be in Russia this summer...


exciting times... whowouldathunk that we'd all grow up? LOL

Yeah, I think my parents are now officially more obsessed with American Idol than I am. Not that I care or anything, but you'd think my parents would want to talk to me more than they'd want to watch American Idol!

I called last night and they weren't home, then they called me back right before American Idol. Then dad tries his darnedest to get me off before *gasp* he missed the show. I felt *SO* loved last night! LOL When DUANE wants to talk with me more than daddy, something is wrong LOL

For the Record my mom likes Travis. She think's he's smooth and not that bad for the eyes. LOL That's my mom.

Not too sure who dad likes

and Duane likes Bo the rocker, and Anwar (or as he said "the teacher guy, I can't remember his name, but he sings good.")

I like Bo, Anwar, Carrie, Constantine... and Travis LOL And mom and I agree that Bo looks like Travis Tritt and he even has that same sound.

Speaking of Dad, he got attacked by a Bald Eagle. Okay, well, it was caught in a coyote snare, and dad tried to rescue it and it fought back. But no worries teh Eagle is fine, dad got a fish and game dude to come out and they got the Eagle loose. And I guess teh guy who owns the snares will be in trouble for something he did that made it a "bad" trap... I don't remember what daddy said

Anyway I am watching Dateline right now, and not to be overly rude. But I really think Scott Peterson's half sister is out for money. Her whole crap of I don't want to hurt them, I think is a load of crap. She just *suddenly* feels that he's guilty? I don't buy it! I think it's totally egotistical of her and just wrong... there's my rant


on to the iditarod...

I met with "my boss" today. I am really excited... he isn't going to hover and I have creative license to do it how ever I want. WOOT WOOT!!!

he is really nice and I am really excited about it... and now American Idol is on so I am going to get this done and over with and then I'm going to do some homework and then I'm going to go to bed...


Luv and hugs,
-Tonichelle
BTW, Paula annoys me, and I think that her drama mama is so old that it's even annoying in People Magazine LOL

put these on the message boards but forgot to post them here...

these are the photos that I got developed down in Portland, so Heather has seen them, and I think Kat and Flo looked at them too (not sure though, it's all a blur!)

My grampy forgot my bday so when the check comes this next week (tomorrow or Tuesday HOPEFULLY) I'll be able to get some more sent out... or at least I hope so! LOL I don't think 50 bucks will be enough!

G'parents in Anchorage and I are on speaking terms again, guess we just needed to cool off... they are wanting to get me a new lens for my camera sometime this coming week too... so hopefully I have the time

I was so sick this weekend... but today is better... still not 100% but we're getting there! I got sick on thursday at school and a friend of mine had to drive me home. Embarassing. So I missed more class time. NOT a good thing...

tomorrow I have class from 11:30am to about 5:15... yuck.

anyway, the photos...


( ...are under here. )

I don't have to worry about the holidays until next December (thankfully, though, it's at their house, so I can go home to Judy's whenever I want!!!)

Anyway, that's not what I'm going to dwell on today... because today is
DUANE'S ADOPTION!!! of which I am both FILMING and PHOTOGRAPHING!!!!!!! Yeah, I can multitask... maybe I can talk my parents into some cash(doubt it, but I can dream LOL)

that's at 2:30pm then at 6pm we're going to a swimming party... and my 'friend' came to visit today so I will be on the sidelines for that too... oh well... I will try to keep busy! :)

and then the g'parents leave tomorrow!! WOOT WOOT!!!!

before Heather brings her butt kicking gear to Portland... I will just say that I think the worst is over. The Reitter side of my family can't be in the same room for more than a few hours, and Christmas Day makes it 3 days... so tension is high. But it seems to get worse every year. I don't know why I am so sensitive about my weight. I know I am over weight and headed towards obesity... I'm not OBESE(or at least I hope I'm not) but really I feel fine with who I am. But then Grandma starts in on "you're so fat" "you don't want to look like (your friend)" "don't you think you've had enough cookies this year" and I just couldn't take it. I let off steam left and right and it just got worse. So needless to say I got pissy and that caused a lot of the problems later on.

When I came on and ranted with R rated language(at least for my family) that was right after Grandma belittled me with how rude and inconsiterate and selfish I was for trying to get her up to speed with a movie. She said I "gave it away" (It was JTT's movie "I'll Be Home For Christmas" and I sooooooo did not give it away) however DAD did five minutes later, and she didn't even say anything! I was like I just couldn't do anything right!!!!! I was just got fed up and wanted out.

So tonight we all watched me at age 3 unwrap a crapload of toys (and clothes, which you could tell I was *thrilled* about) we had a few laughs at everyone's expense (dad's "segment" was indeed the funniest!) and I think that helped a lot. However don't be surprised if I come on tomorrow and rant some more LOL I expect it will only get worse...


and since G'ma and G'pa (whom I love dearly, I don't know WHAT was up G'ma's butt today) will be down until after Duane's adoption (Dec 30th) it should be loads of *fun* (then again my behavior might send them packing after tomorrow LOL)

so yeah, Heather, keep your kick butt attitude safely packed away at home ;) LOLI think I'm fine (I just need some space to rant!)

I want to thank all of you who commented in the last couple of entries (and the emails! They were sweet too!)

This group of skating fans(and others who are on GJ) is fast becoming my source of sanity (scary isn't it?) at LEAST 90% of the time... and 10% my reality... I so wish we could all just live in our own little skating fan world and never have to deal with the crappy everyday one!

so anyway... we're back to having a Merry Christmas

I love you all!

So Thursday got off to a great start with an early morning phone call from Erin saying she was HOME!!! I was so excited and bouncy. However SHE was in KENAI and I was in ANCHORAGE. So after that it was all just a "I can't wait for tomorrow when we go down." LOL So then we get there and Erin came over for a little bit but had to do dinner with her fam so we pushed the steak night back a night and then she stayed while I ate tacos and talked. Dad had the funniest prayer for dinner too. He was being a goof (he fell on the ice and I think he hit more than his elbow! LOL) Then she left and we all headed for teh fireworks. Which were so not as impressive as Disney's fireworks LOL But then again who can beat Disney? I think I annoyed my parents because every time another would go up I'd compare it to Disney. It was fun LOL. Saw Kassy there.

Then we came home and were goofing off, Duane was being just totally bratty and we were all going to kill him but oh well LOL, and Kassy came over and we spent 2 hours talking like old times. It's amazing how when you're gone your friendships grow! Then she left and it was bed time :)

On Saturday Erin came over and we made our way to "National Treasure" which is a GREAT movie. Funny and exciting and really well acted. I don't like Nicholas Cage, and still don't but this is a good movie! Go watch it! It was refreshingly void of swear words or sex so yeay for good movies like that! Jerry Bruckheimer is now my 2nd favorite director/producer! Sorry George, you're fast becoming a blip on the radar! :p Anyway, then we went to blockbuster and rented "The Terminal" and "A Cinderella Story" so that I would have something to watch with my parents that night, we then headed over to Kassy's picked her up and headed BACK to the movies so that we could catch "Christmas With The Kranks" another GREAT movie. Hilarious! A definate must see! Then we dropped Kassy off and went for Steak Night at my house. Ate steak then started to play Scene It Disney. SO MUCH FUN! It was a blast. My family is too competitive though. LOL It got pretty rough!!

On Sunday went to church then went to Taco Bell with Kassy and Erin. Then we went back to my house for a second round of Scene It. I won both days. I am the best! ha ha!!! Seriously though it was another fun, competitive, day... then we went to church that night and then Erin had to go home so that she could pack to leave. She was crying and it was funny(she'll be back in 3 weeks) so that was my weekend.

oh and as you could tell the best part of the weekend other than spending it with Erin was that Mr. Summer is doing so well!

( Now the survey stolen from Heather )

Ok last night was NERVE WRACKING. I was really needing a break after my g'parents came to visit. This whole week sucked. Mom and I are getting really bad again, and on Tuesday Night mom said something and started getting on my case and then Grandma tried to calm me down and I just lit into everyone. Then as I left the area to just get away from everyone after I basically blew the dinner time atmosphere mom said "She's just a witch all the time, don't mind her" and I turned around and that was it and I just totally let go with something I've kept from everyone since 4th grade when my mom basically threw me up against the wall and said I was nothing but a b*tch and I'd never be anything but a b*tch. So I basically told her I was living up to the standards she had for me, and I'd hate to disappoint her. So THEN I basically locked myself in my bathroom and just let the waterworks come. I was more mad than sad, but G'ma thought SHE was the one who made me feel this way and so she came to apologise(mind you neither one of my parents even acted like this thing even happened, which is typical for them, "Toni's Nutz" is basically what they treat these little "I've had it"s of mine). I told her it wasn't her, but she didn't believe me, and she was so heartbroken, but I didn't want to talk so I just stayed quiet. I think I've ruined our relationship for live. I'm such a loser.

So anyway, I didn't feel much like going to youth group OR church last night due to all of the stupidness I had the last few days, so I stayed home(and of course got more reaction out of my dad for THAT then my whole tyrade on Tuesday! *rolleyes* Which was so not my reason for not going.) and basically just sat on the couch and was a bum with my dogs. I could seriously get used to being a depressed person! LOL So basically NOTHING is on on Wednesdays until 9pm, usually, but American Idol is back on. Well I didn't realize that it was on at 7:30pm so I was all excited at 7pm for some quality entertainment, only to realize THAT 70s Show was on... YUCK! So I watched about 5 mins of 60 Minutes and then shut the TV off and listened to Josh Groban, always a good choice! 8:30 came and Erin called and said we needed to practice our "phone Idol" stuff(meaning next year the way we'll be watching Idol together is on the phone as she won't be going to college with me! :( ) And we began to watch. John Stevens(The Crooner) has been my favorite since his audition in New York, and I have to say he sounds good even when he forgets the words! His song sounded good, what he was able to remember. But I was sooooooooooooooooo sure he'd be cut, and I was basically already really emotional, so I was crying on the phone to Erin about my problems and holding on to the VCR remote(gotta record me some American Idol LOL) which I broke after he MADE IT TO THE TOP 32! I didn't realize I had screamed this loco scream, but Yuka and Lulu (who had been sleeping) ran so hard and fast to the kitchen to get away from me! And Erin's ear is ringing 24 hours after the whole ordeal! OOPS! ;) Anyway, I was really really really excited about it, and the dogs are still scared of me, but it's all good. I definately have a better outlook on life today! LOL

American Idol can be good therapy... sometimes.